Elisablog

Almost sounds like peppers, or preppy, but quite different in meaning.

This article talks about what Boy Scouts and Mormons have been doing for years: food storage, being prepared, all that good stuff.

“…Many preppers go out of their way to avoid the stereotypes that come along with the “survivalist” label—they’ve made a clear-eyed calculation about the risks at hand and aren’t waiting around for anybody else to fix them… ‘There are so many variables and potential disasters out there, being a prepper is just a reaction to that potential.’”

This part is particularly funny:

“Some preppers fear putting their names out in public—they don’t want every desperate soul knocking down their door in the event of a disaster—while others see it as a network they can rely upon were something horrible to happen.”

My mom has been sending us tons of stuff from Emergency Essentials (trying to watch out for us). Especially in the apartment, it was hard to know where to put it. We don’t think the world is going to end dramatically any time soon, but it’s always good to be prepared. (For example: I have gotten low on supplies and didn’t realize it until last minute, I’ve used some items…)

One day, Jared mentioned how many boxes my family had sent us to some co-workers in passing. Rob and Aashish have now assured Jared that, if the world does come to an end, we’ll know where to find them: at our house.

Thanks, Mom.

The weather here is almost cold enough to be Christmas-y. Yesterday was in the 70s(!) and today, 30s. It even tried to snow! Nothing stuck, of course. Besides that, for several minutes, there were icy flakes falling from the sky. Thanks, weather! I appreciate the attempt to recreate the ideal Christmas atmosphere outside.

Did I ever mention how I LOVE this time of year? Let me list the ways:

1.No kids from 8-4:30

2. No getting up at 5:30 to get ready for work.

3. No work for two whole glorious weeks.

4. I love giving people gifts.

5. I love surprising people by doing nice things for them.

6. I have the time to do #4 and #5.

7. We get to celebrate one of the best events in human history.

8. There’s time set aside to appreciate family, friends, and our Savior.

As you can see, I could go on for quite awhile. I am grateful for my job and the opportunity I get to work with amazing young individuals on a near daily basis, but it is also nice to be able to have a restful break from the stress of such an important job.

I have been making goodies for people. I LOVE baking and cooking. As much as I enjoy eating what I made, I also want to share it too. (After all, eating a whole batch of cookies is not so friendly to the waist.) Some people were afraid I was bringing them goodies to get something in return, and that always makes me sad. When I was a child, I am sure that was part of the motivation behind it, but truly, I just like to show my appreciation for people.

In giving treats out, I finally met our nearest neighbors in our ward. I just meant to drop a plate of goodies by and then leave, but I ended up staying for almost two hours. I hadn’t met them previously because of the husband’s heart condition. It’s possible that they were one of the sweetest and funniest couples I have met in a long time. The poor wife was incredibly sad that she hadn’t met me sooner and tried to apologize about being overwhelmed with her husband being in and out of the hospital. I couldn’t say enough how I completely understood. She felt like she should be doing more service to others, when her husband of 55 years is severely ill with his congestive heart failure. I gave her my number and told her to call me if they ever needed anything. I also got to interact with her husband. For a man whose heart is running at 10% capacity, he’s a sharp as can be. I laughed pretty hard talking to him.

I truly enjoyed going over to meet them. However, I cannot imagine the pain they are going through. There would be so much sadness involved in losing your partner, your best friend, of 55 years, no matter what you believe may happen after death. Seeing them suffer must be almost as horrible. And this sweet woman felt bad that she hadn’t had the time to meet me yet, and welcome me. One of the worst feelings in the world for me is that feeling that you are being pulled apart with everything that is on your plate, and still feeling like you should be doing more. I could tell she was feeling that same way. It helps me understand when my mom says, “Sometimes, you just need to let people serve you.”

All of these things just remind me to enjoy this time of year more. I was able to spend all day with Jared, just relaxing, talking, and playing around with our dog.  We watched two versions of my favorite Christmas story, “The Christmas Carol” (The Disney version and a 1990(?) version with Patrick Stewart).

Jared has now banished me to the upstairs so he can wrap my presents for tomorrow. I can’t say enough how much I love him. He’s a wonderful man, and I am lucky to have him. I am happy to spend our THIRD Christmas together, and our first in our new home.

I hope everyone has a chance to spend time with the people they care about and love during this time of year, and can appreciate the joy that can come from it.

I know I have been horrible with keeping up with the blog. For those of you who are kind enough to occasionally check up on it, I appreciate your patience!

I have been so busy with school and preparing for the holidays. Thanksgiving was great. We went back to Utah and got to spend quality time with both of our families for the week. 5 days was not nearly enough time to do everything we wanted. However, we spent a lot of time seeing family, even some extended family, like Nana and Grandpa (who drove ALL day Friday to see us Friday night!!!) and Grandma Boothe and some of the extended aunts/uncles/cousins.  I miss a lot of the people up there, but I realized how much I missed Texas, too. It made me realize that I am starting to put down roots here, and how I absolutely enjoy and love it here.

(Not having the snow and 0 degree weather is an added bonus, too!)

My kids at school are crazy. Love them, but let’s face it. Nobody looks back at 7th grade and says, “Wow, that was the BEST year ever!” It is a time chock-full of awkward growing phases, hormones, and friendships. I’m just telling ya how it is. Not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. I went through an awkard stage from about ages 8-20.

Back to the crazy kids. I still think this year is light years better than last year.  (I apparently didn’t do too badly last year; I have several kids who have dropped by my room to say hello and update me on how they are doing- wow!) I just am amazed at how… weird kids can be. Today, during the break time in my last class, a kid was meowing at the back of the class. Fortunately most of the kiddos were out getting a drink or socializing as this exchange occurred:

Him: “Meow meow meow meow…”

Me: “_______, are you a cat?”

Him: “No….”

Me: “Then why are you meowing?”

Him: “Uuuuuh…. I dunno. I probably should stop, huh?”

This is a conversation I have pretty much daily with one student or another for various sounds and strange behaviors. They do not prepare you for THOSE kinds of events in college classes. I could make some good money having a class titled: “Why Are My Students Weird? 101.”

Come and participate in the groundbreaking class, “Why Are My Students Weird? 101!”

You will learn how to address:

–He’s touching me!

–Strange sounds & noises

–Boy/Girl interactions

–Teaching students to filter conversations (Not say whatever comes to mind)

-And much much more!

I think it sounds like a great idea…. yes? I guess you can probably tell I am ready for the Christmas break.

Christmas time is one of the best times of the year. I love it. I love giving gifts and buying things for other people, and decorating the house with all sorts of festive items, and having the big, beautiful, colorful Christmas tree in our new living room. There’s so much to be happy and thankful for, and this time of year just highlights the best in humankind.

Well, it’s been a wild ride this school year.

I am sick (again) today, but bad enough that I am staying home. Left work early yesterday, too. So that does give me temporary free time to write a post.

It’s been beautiful weather here lately. We have so many amazing butterflies in our backyard. They love the flowers that are back there, and I never am back there without at least 15 butterflies to watch. It’s actually “cold” outside- in the 60s. haha. We will be visiting our families back in Utah this time next week, and it’s already snowed there. So far, the 10 day forecast doesn’t go over 50 degrees there! EEK! I think I might just die!  I definitely fit in with the warmer Texas weather. Other than that though, it will be wonderful to visit the family and not be responsible for all the cooking for a week.

There have been some interesting challenges in my life lately. I really have been enjoying teaching much more this year than I did last year. These kids are much more willing to work and be on top of everything from last year, and I am understanding the system that we are using so much better. But of course, every class has it’s quirks and trying to work around that can be interesting. The challenges this year are very different than the ones I faced last year. But I don’t think I would EVER go back to my first year of teaching!

The only true negative is my health. I am starting to slip back to the bad again, and I am just fighting to keep being happy and healthy. Still investigating ways to prevent the downward kamikaze spiral that seems to happen with my depressive moments!

So, checking out CNN.com today, and this article caught my eye.

Here are some caveats of this article:

“‘Schools, colleges and departments of education are doing a mediocre job of preparing teachers for the realities of the 21st-century classroom.’ [Secretary Duncan] will call for a ‘revolutionary’ change in teacher preparation programs.”

“‘Schools of education have been renowned for being cash cows for universities,’ Duncan will say, according to his released remarks. ‘The large enrollment in education schools and their relatively low overhead have made them profit centers.’ [He] will say that universities divert the profits from education schools to other departments while doing little to invest in educational research and clinical training.”

Grrrrrr. Needless to say, I was pretty unhappy with reading this. Perhaps Mr. Duncan could check out BYU’s program, because there was a TON of researching and clinical training involved.

I had to read articles, write responses for them, take a technology test (using Word, Internet/Email, powerpoint, and Excel) and get a 10-15 minute video + accompanying lesson plan just to get an interview to get into the English Education program!  Once in the program, there were several classes that required us to spend a lot of time in classrooms and working with kids even before we did our 3-4 months of student teaching, just to see if we were really suited. And I know of several people who didn’t make it to student teaching.

And now teaching in Texas, there are constant observations for all teachers, and every week there’s talk about aligning the curriculum to the Texas state standards and tracking of students that are struggling…and teacher and student ownership and accountability. The testing these kids do are through the roof- I couldn’t believe how they begin preparing kids for state tests (TAKS) in SECOND grade. These kids are obsessed and worried about state testing, and not how to apply their learning to the real world.

What more is supposed to happen? Life isn’t all measured out in multiple choice tests…

I can’t believe HOW much better this year is than last. For about 1,000,000 reasons.

I am enjoying a lot of little things a lot more than I used to. Teaching, my students, my home, my dog, my husband, my family.

I was talking to Stephen, the sweet-but-still-very-missionized brother (meaning, he’s still trying to get back into the flow of life), and he mentioned how weird he thought it was that I have been struggling with depression. He said that he would have never guessed that that was something that was eating away at me. Naturally, this led to a conversation about typical symptoms and things that can come up with depression.

I think I mentioned before how this is something I have struggled on and off with for years. But I never really realized how bad it WAS until I have been on medication and going to the occasional counseling to help me realize how crazy-down I was at times.

In a way, I think the headaches I experience on and off were a “blessing in disguise.” All through college I felt like maybe I was a bit depressed, but I just needed to “put my big girl pants on.” Suck it up, and everything will be fine. Really, why should I be feeling down when I have so many opportunities in my life, and LITTLE KIDS ARE STARVING IN AFRICA!?! I would have never gone to the doctor to say “I think I might have some sort of depression.”

Then the headaches came. February/March of ‘08 marked the arrival of dizziness, pain, and hopelessness. I think perhaps the fact that I was having to finish up my crazy student teaching experience on my own with the love of my life, my rock, being 1500 miles away starting his new career up put me over the edge. We both needed each other, and while the phone made it possible to communicate with him almost every day, it still wasn’t the same as having each other physically there.

I wish I had known then what I do now about myself.  It took a year of tests, multiple doctors, and stress to find a doctor that was willing to listen to me, that this was more than just overly sensitive whining. I wish I had stood up for myself and what I suspected I had all along.

I found a good article today on MSN.com that address depression. I really liked specific parts of it.

“Depression invaded my life in my mid-40s,” says Tom Johnson, who was formerly publisher of the Los Angeles Times and CEO of CNN. “It sapped me of my strength, robbed me of my energy, and brought me, inexplicably, to the brink of suicide. Just the act of getting out of bed and into the shower each morning was tough. I was baffled by the sadness, by the loss of self-confidence, by the feeling of being trapped at the bottom of a deep, dark well.”

Like many others, Johnson did not seek help. He explains, “I felt that going to a psychiatrist would be a sign that I was somehow defective.” Stigma is another trap associated with depression. Dr. Carolyn Robinowitz, former president of the American Psychiatric Association, has seen its effects many times. Those experiencing depression often feel pressure to “pull themselves together,” “take charge,” “suck it up.”

While I am not better, and I still have bad days, I am so glad that I have my friends and family, and especially Jared, that have stuck around while I have struggled with becoming a better self. I know it hasn’t been easy, but it means the world to me.

Well, I’ve made it through 3 full weeks of school. The house is a mess, but I’ve been keeping up with the school part of things, so life is good, right?

Really, the house isn’t that bad. It’s more or less that we just haven’t had time to look through all the boxes and put things away properly, so it makes everything look more cluttered. Which I can barely tolerate, meaning Jared is on the verge of a breakdown for not having time to keep things pretty and organized. (Love you, babe.)

In my spare time, I have been working on my project for Aunt Linda for way back when with the whole “Pay it foward” thing. I’m pretty proud of myself. I’ll post pictures once I know she’s gotten it. I am close to being done, but it’s taken a lot of man hours and planning.

My students are a lot of fun. Naturally, you can’t get away without having a couple of them be complete pills, but in general class has gone really well. I love the fact that my students look forward to “Poetry Circle” and get sad when we don’t get it or get to sit on the floor. This class is so different from my kids last year–I think part of it is that I am more sure of myself and what I am doing, but part of it is that many of these kids are really just more involved with good things in their lives.  They are a lot of fun, and when I am in class, I can remember exactly why I’ve always wanted to be a teacher.

So, between frantically trying to keep up with my students and planning the class and unpacking the home, I haven’t gotten a lot of downtime. Unless you consider “Downtime” the moment right after I get home from work and take care of the dog,  I collapse on to the couch or bed for a bit in a comatose state.

The best thing of all is that it’s finally raining here. We’ve been in a pretty nasty drought the past two years in the area, and in this weekend alone, I think we got around a foot of rain. MUCH needed rain. It’s so lovely to be able to look into the back yard and see all the wildlife; crazy dancing squirrels, doves, pigeons, hummingbirds, blue jays, cardinals, and even some really neat tropical looking birds with a black back and NEON orange belly. The closest thing I can find to it is this picture of a Baltimore Oriole.

So, life is pretty good right now. It would be even better if I had about 5 extra hours per day so I could do everything I need to and then get the sleep I need on top of it, but alas, it is not to be.

By the way, some books to read if you have time (I do silent reading time with my kids almost every day, and I try to read along with them, so that’s where that time comes in):

The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins

Catching Fire, Suzanne Collins (sequel)

Uglies, Scott Westerfield

The Lightning Thief, Rick Riordan

I love these books!

I’ve done my cleaning for the year.

This weekend was crunch time to get out of The Apartment. And naturally, when you have two procrastinators, these things get down to the wire, which in plain English = WE HAD TO WORK OUR HINEYS OFF!!!

Kids, do not do this at home. Seriously. Muscles I had forgot existed ache, head ache, and I got kinda nauseated from working with cleaning supplies for SEVEN hours. That’s right; SEVEN FRICKEN HOURS. I lost valuable brain cells during that time, and I really didn’t have any I could afford to lose.

And that’s just from the cleaning.

Also, I think I bumped my head on about  3 different times; my hands got burned from using so much cleaner; I am dead tired; and I walked into some walls and hit  various parts of my body doing so. That’s really nothing new; yesterday Jared and I were grocery shopping and somehow I didn’t realize the shopping cart’s vicinity to my person, and basically Heimlich-Maneuvered myself. Yes, once again, that will leave a mark. No wonder my legs are always covered in small bruises…

But I digress. The point is, I don’t think I could be more tired. And in pain.

Moral of the story: Procrastination is a very bad thing, especially with procrastinating perfectionists. It’s a bad combo. And possibly “Don’t expose yourself to various cleaning items for long amounts of time,” or “Be aware of your body and it’s proximity to other stuff so you don’t injure yourself.” All very important life lessons.

I am excited about the second week of school- I almost got everyone’s names down, which is good because parent night is this Wednesday, and how sad would it be if the kid walks in with his parents and I forget or say the wrong name. I’ll have to add more details about the name situations later–it’s pretty crazy.

Anyways, it’s late. And my bedtime.

I just have to agree with EVERYONE out there that says the first year is the hardest.

Today was my SECOND first day of school ever! And this time around, I wasn’t nearly as nervous or falling over myself; I knew the basic expectations and how to work on the timing of everything… and it was amazingly wonderful. I was just so relieved to make it through the day.

I also had lots of my “former” students come by and say hi and tell me about about their summers! That was just INCREDIBLY neat. I just had to smile so big that they didn’t avert their eyes and pretend they had NO IDEA who that crazy lady was!

My students this year seem great so far. A couple of them got a little ancy with the routine stuff that I had to talk to them about, but I was really pleased with how well they did. I still have really reasonable class sizes too, which is wonderful. I had one class of 15 by the end of last year, so this year my class of 23 (and counting) seems much bigger. I guess I really shouldn’t let it surprise me though, I had a class of 29, 33, and 36 when I was student teaching sophomores, but that just didn’t seem as overwhelmingly huge at the time. Still big, but I guess I found them a bit more manageable. Still, most of the 7th graders were incredibly cute and sweet; still mostly 6th graders mentality, and not sick of school yet.

My hope is I can keep that “sick of school” mentality as far as possible from my classes! I feel much better about this year and how I have taught most of these lessons at least once before.

So, all in all, other than the fact I was silly enough to wear HIGH HEELS ALL DAY, it went really smoothly.

Came home, put my feet up high to try and keep the swelling down, talked to my family about my experience today, and rested. Then, Jared came home a little later than expected and bought me A FLIPPING AWESOME FUTON/COUCH and two of these sweet lamps from the World Market store. It’s going to go with our “Asian” theme we have going in that other room so well.

I am so lucky!

I have to be honest; I have spent days trying to write this post publicly, but have found that the best way to communicate my thoughts in this time is up in my bedroom, quietly writing in my notebook. I have had a lot swishing around in my head; questions, worries, and excitement, but it takes a lot of work to lay them out and explain them to people who don’t live in my head with me!

Some highlights: At least this round I am much more prepared, emotionally, intellectually, and physically.

Just minutes ago Jared gave me a blessing. I get so anxious and uptight and I make myself sick by letting me get all tied up in knots. But in this blessing, he mentioned that the challenges would be there, but not as many as last year. And that I would be able to use my previous experiences to help get through challenges. At the same time, the new challenges won’t be as many as last year, so he said. I pray that is correct. I don’t want to be labeled as completely MAD when I am only 23.

Fascinatingly enough, the blessing mentioned how positive I have been with interacting with my family and that it has going really well, especially to my brothers. I’ll be honest, most of the time I don’t even know if they care about me calling them. I feel like they equate my call to Mom and Dad calling in to check on them. Mainly I just want to hear about their lives. I am not there to check up on them when they know how to behave and work on their own. I just want to know about what’s going on for every in the family, how they are feeling, stressors that they are facing, etc.

Ironically, whenever anybody asks me how I am doing, I say “fine.” Almost all the time when I say “I am fine, thank you.” It is a signal “I am not feeling great; there’s something going on, but I am not comfortable enough to tell you about it.” Ouch.  Lots of reasons for that response though.

My biggest goal this year is to maintain the fun in learning while still actually learning.

I am SO anxious for tomorrow. I can’t wait to see what I have to work with this year.

More updates later, I guess…